Jokes

[riverwalk]

"went to the zoo the other day"!! it only had one dog!!!..........it was a shitzu!!!!!!

[ibrox]

Sounds about right to me ;D ;D ;D ;D

[flee]

1 for the lads

[hornet]

The inventor of the Harley Davidson Motorcycle Corporation, Arthur Davidson, died and went to heaven.

At the gates, St. Peter told Arthur, " Since you've been such a good man and your motorcycles have changed the world, your reward is, you can hang out with anyone you want in Heaven."

Arthur thought about it for a minute and then said, "I want to hang out with God."

St. Peter took Arthur to the Throne Room, and introduced him to God, who recognised Arthur and commented, "Okay, so you were the one who invented motorcycles, eh?!" Arthur said, "ya, that's me..."

God commented, "Well, what's the big deal in inventing something that's pretty unstable, makes noise and pollution, and can't run without a
road?!"

Arthur looked embarrassed, but finally spoke, "Excuse me but aren't you the inventor of woman???"

God said, "Ah, yes."

"Well," said Arthur, professional to professional, you have some major design flaws in your invention.

1. There's too much inconsistency in the front-end protrusion
2. It chatters constantly at high speeds
3. Most of the rear ends are too soft and wobble too much
4. The intake is placed way too close to the exhaust
5. And the maintenance costs are outrageous!!

"Hmmmm, you may have some good points there," replied God, "hold on." God went to his Celestial supercomputer, typed in a few words and waited for the results.

The computer printed out a slip of paper and God read it. "Well, it may be true that my invention is flawed," God said to Arthur, "but according to these numbers, more men are riding my invention than yours." ;D


Hornet

[elwyman]

flee said:

1 for the lads




better half eh?? I always thought SK had something missing ;Hang on before you start where's that mute button?

Classic Flee. ;D ;D ;D

[flee]

lol ;D ;D ;D

[billytheghillie]

A cruise ship sinks with only 3 survivors, David,Darren and Dawn. They swim to a small island and live there for a couple of years doing what comes naturally. But Dawn feels so bad about having sex with both David and Darren she kills herself. Sad for David and Darren, but they get over it and again nature takes its course. After a couple more years the lads feel really bad about what they are doing........ so they bury her!

[salmondan]

Billy, you need professional help ;D

H, you need to write more jokes.

Flee, I looked in Dixons today but couldn't find one, can you recommend a reliable supplier?

[flee]

This is just a prototype,It's having a few teething troubles due to the unpredictability of the target ;D
ANYWAY
It's coming up to that time of year again when there are allot of bugs going around so you might need some of this

available at all good agricultural merchants ;D

[billytheghillie]

I see there selling tickets for Pavarottis funeral. They only cost a TENOR!

[billytheghillie]

Just bought a camping van from e-bay that belonged to Pavarotti, is called a NISSAN DORNER!

[billytheghillie]

Just got a call from Pavarotti family, so i got to work--sheet of m.d.f. £5.65, glue £1.95, handles and screws £1.50, varnish 95p,-- see? you can make a coffin for a TENOR!

[hornet]

I have to sympathise with the Italians as i hate it when i lose a










TENNER

Hornet

[billytheghillie]

Hornet, when i die will you make jokes of me?

[juniorspey]

Pavarotti goes up to heaven and is met by god. God says "youve done a lot of charity work ...I'll let you in.
he then calls on St Peter...."heres the Tenor i owe you!

[neptune]

how do french women hold their liquer by the ears

wife just got back from docs about the rash on her vag**a
doc says how often you have sex
wife replies twice a year
doc says thats not a rash its rust

last time was about the green marks on her inner thighs
she thought it was gangreen
doc said tell your hubby to wear real gold ear rings


teacher:: who can say a sentence with politics in it
jenny: my dad is an MP he is in politics

teacher says well done any one else
bobby: my dad says never discuss politics in the pub

teacher is impressed asks for 1 more
little johnny says my parrot swallowed a clock now polly ticks
;D ;D ;D

[hornet]

;D ;D ;D

There's now a new sex position in the Karma Sutra, it's called the plumber.

Both of you stay in all day and but no fecker comes !!!!!!!!



The best engine in the world is called the fanny. It takes any sized piston, is self lubricating, starts with 1 finger, and every 4 weeks does it's own oil change.

It's just a pity the management system is so fecking temperamental.


Hornet

[scotty]

wee johnny comes home from school to find his dad giving his mum it from behind, johnny shreeks in terror, but his dad just laughs and throughs the pillow at him, so johnnys runs down stairs to find his granny sitting doing her knitting so he pounces on her and gives her one.
johnnys dad hears her yelps and runs in to see what is going on, as he sees what is happening he cannot beleive his eyes but johnny just laughs at him......................


























and says its not so funny when its your mum is it?


scotty.

[billytheghillie]

2 dwarfs pull 2 girls and take them home. 1st dwarf cant get it up and to make matters worse, all night he can hear 2nd dwarf saying " here i come again...1 2 3 uuh". Next morning 1st dwarf says to 2nd dwarf " how embarassing i coudnt even get a hard-on " 2nd dwarf says "u think thats bad, i coudnt even get on the fuckin bed!

[neptune]

mickey mouse is at the lawers signing the divirce papers
the lawer says look mickey you cant file for divorce just because minnie has bucked teeth
mickey replies i never said she had bucked teeth i said
she was f***ing goofy